"The Devil Went Down to North Cakalaka"
a ballad by the Mad Sheep

The Devil went down to North Cakalaka,
He was looking for a soul to steal.
Plus he'd been stuck with a mad fat sack o'
Weed that he looking to deal.

He stood out by a diner, fronted the dime
And decided to check out the menu
When he read, "breakfast served any time"
He knew that this was the venue.

Well he stepped up inside that greasy spoon
And he said, "let me speak to the chef."
A waitress asked why, he said, "you'll find out soon,"
And he muttered, "bitch," under his breath.

It turns out the chef was a def DJ
Born with the name of Johnny
He cooked and flipped burgers all the day
But flippin' tracks they called him Kid Punani

He stepped up to the counter, asked what was the fuss
And who in the hell had started it
Satan said, "Me, and mind how you cuss."
But you could that tell he didn't have his heart in it.

The devil said, "My name is Beelzebub,
If you like, just call me old Flint.
I've heard you're pretty good at cooking grub,
And you're known to make the records spin."

Johnny said, "That's right, I got what it takes
On the griddle and the turntables."
Satan said, "I heard that your hot cakes
Are the stuff that make up fables.

Word's gotten out across the land
That your pancakes can't be beat,
But I think that I'd like to try my hand
'Cause I think I can compete."

Johnny said, "Now you're mincin' words
And I don't quite catch your meaning.
Talk is cheap, it's just for the birds.
Is it towards a bet that you're leaning?"

Now Satan likes to be slicker than that
And he don't like sass from mortals.
But he couldn't hold in that devilish laugh,
You should hear the way Satan chortles.

Satan snickered, "Yes," and Johnny asked the stakes
So the red man pulled it together
He said, "If I can make the biggest hot cakes,
Well, I'll keep your soul forever."

Johnny said, "Yes, but what if I win?"
Satan said, "Well, should God will it,
I've got something here that'll make you grin."
And he pulled out a golden skillet.

Johnny said nice, he didn't think twice,
He just went and shook the Devil's hand.
Satan said, "Now you'll pay the price!"
It was going just as he'd planned.

Satan cooked first, as it was his idea
Man, you should have seen the size of his griddle!
Twelve feet wide from there to hear
It made a double wide look little!

Satan lit it up, mixed up a mess o' batter
And began to pour it on
He went about his work without no chatter
Instead he just hummed this song:

[Instrumental]

By the time he finished and rulers were out
People started to give up hope
Satan said, "Johnny, you can give up now."
But little Johnny just said, "Nope."

Measures were in on Satan's cake
Eleven feet and Seven inches,
Johnny said, "It's wide, make no mistake,
But I've been in bigger pinches."

He grabbed himself a hacksaw, went out side
Climbed the roof as quick as a fiddle
Cause up in the sky, at least twenty feet wide
Was a sign shaped just like a griddle!

He cut down the sign, which was made of steel
And he pushed it down in the back lot
Now the Devil just wanted to close this deal
But you could tell that he was getting hot

He said, "Son, that's good, but if you would
Tell me how're you gonna heat that up?"
Johnny laughed and said, "Well, I got no wood,
But I've got these tires all stacked up."

Round back there was a pile of 24 tires
And Johnny had a can of lighter fluid
He doused the stack, and ready for the fire
Turned his head while he put a match to it.

There was a sound like a bomb and the blaze was on
And Johnny got that look in his eyes
He said, "I'm gonna win, or my name ain't John,
Old Flint you're in for a surprise!"

He greased that skillet and poured in the batter,
But then he ran off into his car
Satan said, "Boy, you're just making me madder,
Don't think that you'll get too far!"

Johnny said, "Bitch, I wouldn't give you the pleasure,"
And he backed up close to the fire
Then he made that ass drop just for good measure
And he said, "Man, I ain't no liar."

He checked the rear view, I swear this is true,
And he backed the car under the pan
He hit the switches once more and the pancake flew
And it landed in the skillet again!

He knew he had won, but we wanted more fun
So he started the system blastin'
Though he heard some complaints from table one
He didn't care what the customer was askin'!

[singing]
He said, "I've almost won, so you can stop bitchin'.
NC is cookin' forget Hell's Kitchen.
And if you don't like it, Mephistopheles,
Like DJ Kool said, you can grab on these."

[Instrumental]

Johnny jumped out and extinguished the fire
And people started measurin' his cake
Satan got cold, 'cause the outlook was dire
And he knew that he'd made a mistake.

The size of the hot cake was so absurd
That the Devil knew he'd been beat
He gave Johnny the skillet without a word
And then he walked off draggin' his feet.

Turns out the cake was twenty-one feet wide
But it didn't really matter a damn
What counted was that Johnny kept his pride
Not to mention his soul and that pan!

Well he packed his golden skillet into his car
And he moved on up to New York, man
And he opened up his own diner
In a little town called Cortland!

[speaking]
And if you listen closely while you're sitting in that round booth in
the corner, eating your Big Breakfast, you can still hear Johnny singing:

[singing]
"I beat the Devil, now he's my bitch, and
Upstate is cookin' forget Hell's Kitchen.
And if you don't like it, Mephistopheles,
Like DJ Kool said, you can grab on these."

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2000 Seafood Cheeselog Trio